February Pets Can Stay Book Feature & Contest
Humourist and syndicated columnist William Thomas was a devoted cat
lover for many years, and preferred the company of felines. In his
words, “Having a cat is like having a pet. Having a dog is like
having a really stupid brother that needs a lot of looking after.”
That opinion was challenged when Jake, a wily Border
Collie/Australian Shepherd, came into his life. To be fair, Thomas
never had a chance: Famous for their herding instincts, Jake had
enough Border Collie in him to get Thomas under control in no time.
Even though Jake came with a checkered past—‘a rap sheet’ that
described his three foster homes arranged through the North American
Border Collie Rescue Network—this fine-looking canine intrigued
Thomas.
After a few awkward days while Jake settled into his new
surroundings with his fourth master, Thomas was smitten. Even after
Jake leaves an unwelcome present deposited on the white wool
Moroccan carpet, and is then discovered on his back on the brown
corduroy couch ‘wagging his tail and smiling’, Thomas decided to
keep him.
As he takes readers along on his hilarious adventures with Jake,
it’s very clear why William Thomas has been nominated twice for the
prestigious Gemini Award for television film writing. Life has not
been the same since this amazing character on four paws arrived, and
it is obvious this suits the author just fine. Jake definitely rules
Sunset Bay at Wainfleet, Ontario, where he resides with Thomas.
Sprinkled throughout are The Dog Rules on various themes, and there
is The Dog Dictionary, with Thomas as lexicographer. This is a great
all-occasion gift book for pet lovers.
Here are a few excerpts from the chapter The Difference between
Cats & Dogs:
Tell a dog you’re going to the corner store, and he’ll
run through a plate-glass window to go with you. Tell a cat you’re
going to the corner store, and she’ll run through a list of things
she’d like you to pick up.
A dog protecting his territory will bark, growl and, if
necessary, bite. A cat can sit on the other side of the room and
stare at you until you confess something you’re not even sure you
did.
Dogs are devoted. Cats are cool. Dogs will lie beside a
wounded hunter to keep him warm. The first thing a cat will do is
wipe his prints off the gun.
Dogs are nosy. Cats are fanatical. A dog will nose open
the door of the pantry to see if his favourite food is there. A cat
will jump into the pantry and rearrange the tins of food, putting
the dog food way in the back.
Dogs are cordial. Cats are aloof. A dog will rush up to
visitors, offering kisses or his favourite toy. A cat will sit on
the chair near the door and interview them with her eyes. Dogs make
lousy guard dogs. Cats would make terrific personal managers.
A dog will run downstairs in a thunderstorm and hide in
the back of his cage. A cat would run downstairs in a thunderstorm
only to flip the lock on the cage and leave the dog there for days.
Dogs will beg for food. Cats will agree to attend a
tasting where—and if this is not the theme, they’re a
no-show—presentation is everything.
A dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner. A cat is afraid
she’s not getting deep enough into the nap.
Dogs love to pose, especially for family photos. Cats
like to hide behind the couch, especially during family photos.
Dogs can stimulate behaviour in people. When they yawn,
we yawn. Cats can also stimulate behaviour in people. When they
yawn, we try to come up with more interesting conversation.
With a dog, when the luggage comes out, depression sets
in. With a cat, when the luggage comes out, the cat gets in.
A dog will jump between two people having a domestic
argument. A cat will call 911.
A dog will roll onto his back to get a belly scratch. A
cat will roll onto her back because it’s an excellent defensive
position.
For a cat, cleanliness is next to godliness. For a dog,
cleanliness is next to the last on his to-do list. A cat is a
self-cleaning unit. A dog is like a walking lint brush, attracting
loose debris. For him, a shake is as good as a shower.
A dog having a warm bath is the picture of indulgence
and contentment. A cat having a warm bath is like Mia Farrow’s
childbirth scene in Rosemary’s Baby. A lion tamer who works with six
big cats in a cage would not give a cat a bath.
Bottom line: Over thousands of years the canine has
emerged to become man’s best friend. Over the same period of time,
the feline has emerged to become man’s best fiend.
Remember the one and only Household Pet Rule: To a dog,
you’re family.
To a cat, you’re staff.
Excerpted from The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!). Copyright 2000
by William J. Thomas. Excerpted by permission of Key Porter Books.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or
reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Cover
and author photos by Thies Bogner.
The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything) can be ordered through
online booksellers such as
www.amazon.ca,
www.chapters.indigo.ca, or to
source a Canadian independent bookseller in your area go to
bookstore listings at
www.booksforeverybody.com.
For more information about William and Jake, please visit
www.williamthomas.ca.
February Book Review Contest!
Do you have a humourous story to share? Send us a funny anecdote
about life with your pet. Our readers will vote to determine the top
five entries, and those stories will be featured in our e-newsletter. The five winners will also each receive a copy of The
Dog Rules, compliments of Key Porter Books.
Please send your anecdote to
contest@petscanstay.com. To be
eligible, entries must be completed and received on or by the
closing date of the contest: March 15, 2005, and must be
maximum 250 words. For complete contest rules
click here.
By submitting your entry to the email address above, you hereby
acknowledge that you have read completely, and fully agree to comply
with, all contest rules.
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